Thoughts on aging with and illness

 when i was in my 20's and early 30's it was easy for me to workout, go to school and work full time. now I can barely focus, my body is either in pain that i can deal with, in so much pain I want to cry, or floating like i am high. there is no pattern to any of it. this weekend i helped friends with outdoor clean up even though i was in pain i had the energy to help. the next day and still today i can barley function as i am beyond tired ( even though i slept for more the 10 hours the past 2 nights) and can barely focus and feel sort of numb all over. while i would love to go back in time and have the energy i once had and the lack of pain i know that all I can do is accept where i am at this moment and work to make the next one full of happiness and acceptance. I can change how I approach managing my illnesses yet the changes will take time or not appear at all.

This is is a snap shot of my life, this is a snap shot of all individuals with chronic illness. we do not want pity, or ablest preaching what we ask for is understanding. we ask that you listen to what it is we need in this moment knowing that in the next we may need something else.

if anyone knows me they know that I am a proud person who does not ask for help easily. I seek out information from various source to form my own thoughts on topics especially the illnesses that i am dealing with. so I do not need to be told what to do or that natural is better, i know better than some that each person has to walk their own path in life and this includes how they deal with their health.

so yes I long for the days when I could go to school ( college), work a full shift then go out dancing for hours with friends. Yet I know that acceptance of this present moment is the only way to find happiness and joy that will move me forward in life so that at some point I might be able to dance again.